Conditioned to love

Conditioned 2 Love


Love is universal but yet people have put a lot of stipulations on love. According to this link, there are 21 definitions for love. If you check this link, then you can get a religious perspective of love. With so many interpretations it is no wonder that so many people are confused when it comes to love.

This list can go on forever. The truth is that we have been conditioned to love a certain way. All five of our senses have a way to understand love. What does love look like? What does love sound like? What does love taste like? How does love touch you? What is the smell of love? This stimulates from what we saw in our childhood and what we were taught about love. Then when we become adults we also develop a definition and standards for love. We set boundaries when it comes to love and we also create an atmosphere to reject, abuse, receive or give love.

Love doesn’t hurt you. The bad behavior or actions from the ones we love is what often hurts. A lot of the times we associate behaviors and actions with the emotion of love. Can love truly be developed? Can you truly love someone without conditions or manipulation? I would like to think that the answers to all of these questions are YES.

I recently had a cultured guy get in my inbox and confess his dying love for me. Normally I would equate that with a red flag. Due to a previous experience with some guys online, it is easy for me to put all of the guys that get in my inbox in the same box. There is something different about this guy and I remembered a conversation with him about a year ago. Is there such a thing as loving someone too quick and too hard? When I saw this guy smile it was like wow, his smile is beautiful. His smile is so sincere and warm. It felt natural and familiar. This guy turned my attention to his acts of interest in me. He let me know that he always liked my post, he always commented on my post, and he did inbox several times, he even wished me a happy birthday. He asked for my friendship but I did not accept it at the time because I had just separated from my ex-husband. It was bad timing and I was in an entanglement with one of the bad experiences that I mentioned before.

This guy also let me know that I helped him out of a rough patch. He said that my words were kind and I was so understanding. Now, could it be said that he is confusing my act of kindness for love? Could it be that he doesn’t really love me as he confesses and that he is in love with the idea of me? Could it be that I overthink everything? The answer to these questions could also be a YES.

Is it okay to tell somebody what to feel or how to feel? I do not have the red flags going off in my head about this guy and I don’t know why. Will I have a red flag go off and is this guy for real or just toying with me? Deep down, do I need something to be wrong? Only time will tell that.

I said all of that to say this, some people don’t mind expressing their feelings and when they know what they want they go for it with eyes wide open. They just jump all in. Though that seems strange to me being an American black woman and how I was conditioned to love through my experiences, disappointments, mishaps, and misunderstandings, I have never been afraid of love. I believe the best way to learn is to live and to live is to learn. Not sure what will come of this but my curiosity is ready to find out.