The holidays make people do things that they may not normally do. Giving and spreading joy seems to be admired and expected by some. There is one thing that will never change and that is the quest to finding love. I am newly single and after being married for fourteen years, I say bah humbug to love. I loved my husband but I wasn’t in love with him. I loved who we were as friends but we both agreed that we sucked when it came to serious issues in the marriage. We were horrible communicators. If I didn’t know any better, I would swear our power lines were down always. We both would say the same thing but in our own way and neither one of us understood each other at all.

It is not that simple for me to just fall in love. I believe that what you fall in, you can definitely fall out of. Vibes, energy, connection, and reciprocation are very important to me. I think the key here is CONNECTION and RECIPROCATION. To have a real connection with someone is so rare and to get the same in return is even more rare. Connections and reciprocations can not be forced. It is either there or it isn’t.

I met a guy during my birthday month that seemed to be just what I needed. I thought his tall and slender physique was a great match for my short and thick frame. I felt an instant connection when I walked past him. I promise you that it seemed just like what you see in the movies. I even thought I saw an electrical current come from both our hands. He was very charismatic and he told me to put his number in my phone. I did and we have kept in touch every since. When we would talk, we talked for hours. I like to hear his voice. His smile is infectious and his laugh is memorable. I like for him to give me his thoughts on things that never made sense to me before. One thing with this guy is that I could have seen myself being in a relationship with him at some point and building a legacy. The long distance thing does not work well for either of us. Could we have made it work if we lived in the same city? That is something that I may never know.

About a month later, I met a guy that reminds me so much of the ex. His mannerisms are the same, his big heart is the same, he is a giant teddy bear, their names are even similar, he also loves hard and works even harder. I really enjoy talking to him but, there are a couple of things about him that I may not be able to get past. I like him but my heart isn’t in it right now. He understands and respects that. If nothing else happens with him and I, we will remain friends.

In the same month, I met a guy that intrigues me. His smile, his intellect, his forgiving nature, and his caring heart keeps me attracted to him. He is an open book but I question if we could ever have a serious relationship. There is nothing written in stone with us but this could be an interesting start to something new.

I believe in dating multiple people until you find your person. I really mean date them, spend time with them, talk to them, and get to know them. Since communication is the main thing that ended the previous marriage, I am determined to practice effective communication with new relationships. There is no rush in finding my person. I will take my time and have fun doing so.

When I am ready to settle down again, I want my man to be the mate to my soul. I want him to be my best friend. I want him to be my guy. I want to be proud to call him my boo. I want to be able to talk to him for hours. I want him to be proud of me. I want to irritate him and get on his last nerve. I want to hold him in my arms and kiss on him. I want him to know that I got his back. I want to encourage him. I want to be there to lift him up when he feels down. I want him to share his feelings with me. I want to watch him get dressed in the morning as I admire every part of his body and imagine what will be. I want to make love to his mind, body, and soul. I want to wake up next to him holding me tight as if he could never let me go. I want us to build a legacy together. I want us to compliment each other. I do believe in love but it seems to only exist in my writing. When it becomes a reality, that will be amazing and I will embrace every bit of it. So until then, LOVE…BAH HUMBUG!

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“Keep up with me now so you don’t have to catch up with me later” – Korea L. Howard

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